Friday, May 21, 2010

I Was Critically ‘Agoraphobic’

Most of my friends laughed at me when I told them that I was going to Pala. I wasn’t surprised [They do that all the time!!!!!!!] neither was I hurt because I too was live alone..away from my dear ones...because I have never been to any place alone before. To school or for tuitions, someone would be there to drop me. During my XIth & XIIth classes, everyday, after extra classes, I would be searching for a company to go home. There is one of my cousins, whom I have always admired, for her courage. It was just last week that she went to Delhi for an interview and came back… alone. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that any time! And another one is my sweet friend, Sruthi, who is just a clone of Vidya chechi in this matter. But when it comes to Sruthi, I always get worried. Just let her out in the morning, she will walk around the whole of Trivandrum and will be backing home before evening.
I had always felt this fear of travelling alone [agoraphobia]. I very well know that no one’s going to eat me alive on my way, but still there was something that pulls me back. May be this has occurred to me because of two of my childhood experiences. It happened when I was studying at Holy Angels’ school in LKG. My parents had arranged a van to take me to the school. There were a lot of other students in the van from many other schools. One day, when it reached some other school, my van uncle told everyone to get down. I too got down with everyone. I didn’t know that school or the place. Some chechis who noticed me differently uniformed took me to their Principal. They took my school diary from my bag and tried calling my father to his office. But he was not there. Instead Prasad uncle, my dad’s best friend and colleague came and took me to the office. The same incident happened again and this time he didn’t drop me at any school but on the road side. I can never forget those experiences.
And another reason was my mom. When I was small, we had a lot of snakes around our place. Because of that fear she wouldn’t let me and my bro go out to play.
But life at Pala has taught me this lesson – ‘you are always alone. There is no one to guide you other than yourself’. Now I’m quite OK with travelling alone. As Sruthi used to say, it’s fun travelling alone... isn't it?????


Mithun said...

hey.. gr8 dear... Inspiring...

RESHMA said...

thank you mithun

keep reading!!

V S said...

Dear Frnd, Ur heading made me read this post.nice attempt. We should always be aware that we are alone, at the same time people are there to help us when we are in need. So travel a lot and explore new ideas, Keep going. Best of luck. U have a good narrative style too as you may knowing there are only some writers having a writing or presenting their theme in less pages like Vaikom Muhd Basheer or Madhavikutty. Once again Best Wishes.

RESHMA said...

thank you so much

even though i can never be compared to Vaikom Muhd Basheer or Madhavikutty, ur comment insppires me to write more

keep reading!!!

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